Marriage conflicts - what really works?

Communication skills and conflict resolution techniques go hand in hand - they are in a pod of peas. Like this song from

Love and marriage from

 They walked together like a carriage!

We have seen communication. Let us now look at the conflict resolution.

How much do we know about conflict?

• Conflict is natural and inevitable. If you have a relationship with another person, a conflict will occur. When we accept this fact, we eliminate the panic that can sometimes happen. We no longer need to conclude that if our relationship conflicts, then this relationship will be problematic.
• The existence of conflict does not mean lack of love. It is not / or.
• If handled well, the conflict can actually bring more understanding and intimacy - it can make us closer.
• Any problem, no matter how small, can lead to conflict. Conflicts are not reserved for big problems.
• Conflict resolution skills can be used to manage any conflict, big conflict and small conflict.
• You can learn the skills to resolve conflicts. We don't learn by infiltration - we learn them through courses, books and on-the-job training. The more we practice these skills, the more natural they are.

Fair Play Rules [adapted from John A. Larsen]

• Agree to the time and place of the discussion... Don't get caught up in the conflict until the two are ready, don't delay the conflict indefinitely.
• Speak for yourself... Don't talk in your partner's mouth.
• Use a self-disclosing "I" statement... Don't blame the "you" statement. Use this simple formula: When you _____ [describe behavior or behavior] because ______ [speaking why the action is related to your feelings], I feel ______ [state your feelings]
• Deal directly with your partner... Don't let a biased third party participate [ie, family or friends will accompany you].
• Responsible for your feelings and actions... Don't blame your partner or others for your feelings or behavior.
• Attack problem... not that person.
• Take your partner's point of view seriously [or seek to understand your partner's point of view - their thoughts, feelings, and desires]... Don't think that you have a corner in the truth.
• Share your own thoughts, feelings and desires... Don't hide important information.
• Say your anger... don't resort to force, intimidation or violence.
• Focus on the problem at hand... Don't suggest the past or bundle a series of questions together.
• Trade directly with your partner... Don't involve biased third parties.
• Know when to seek advice.

Use timeout

• When the conflict escalates and you see that you are not following some fair competition rules, agree to spend 15 to 30 minutes. You need to pause: 1] One or both of you are cursing, 2] One or two of you are throwing things and closing the door, 3] One or both of you are threatening another One person [physical abuse is absolutely unacceptable]! ]
• Take time as an opportunity to explore your personal trends. Ask yourself these questions: Why am I not happy? What is my feelings? What do I want [for me, for my partner, for our relationship]?
• Come back together after the agreed time and try to resolve the conflict. Often, after a period of rest to calm down and explore what to do for you, you can better understand this. Conflicts usually become easier to resolve.

In our relationship, we inevitably encounter conflicts. What we do with it is very important. Wearing thick clothes and hanging on each other!

continue reading. Keep learning. Continued growth.

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