Perhaps one of the most common emails or requests I receive on my blog is a woman. Her content is a bit like "Help! My husband wants to get a divorce. Because he is very alienated, can't talk or listen to me. "These women want to save their marriage, but their husbands are blocking all attempts to reconcile and basically keep them out. I have seen this formula many times, and I know it can be the secret of disaster. Because, when you are facing a divorce and your husband does not make him available, you want to try desperate things or behaviors that are not typical, just to get a response. The problem with this is that it not only makes you look less attractive, but also keeps your husband away from you and puts you in a state of fatigue. This series of events is unlikely to bring any benefits. In this article, I will tell you some better alternatives that are more likely to change your husband's perception of divorce than the strategy you might use now.
Why your husband does not listen to you: from
True, I don't know your husband, or you, or anything about your marriage. However, I have been working hard, I have conducted countless hours of divorce studies, and interviewed many men who are seeking divorce or dissatisfaction with marriage. Most people tell me the same thing. They won't listen to you because they know what you mean by changing your mind. They know that you are trying to manipulate them. They know that [from past experience, you have now left the house since the divorce], you have made a lot of promises that you have not reserved, or many things that have never happened. In short, they are tired of hearing the same old things and getting the same old results. So, they checked out as a defense mechanism.
Now, I won't tell you this to make you feel depressed or blame. I tell you this because if you want to change your husband's thoughts about breaking up, I hope you see that you need to change direction. So, don't belittle yourself, despair, follow him, threaten him, associate with him, beg him and so on. You may be lucky [although the possibility of this decline over time] he may "submit" one or two times, but he will resent you for it, and it will be harder to bring him back next time. This is not a situation where you can afford a short-term victory. To truly save your marriage, you need a long-term victory.
How to get your husband to listen to you [the first step in changing his perception of divorce]: from
I hope that until now, I have shown you that you may change your husband's way of thinking and it is unlikely to be effective [especially in the long run]. However, you need to let him go if you want to make any progress, please listen to your opinion. How do you do this? By changing what you are saying. Remember when I said that my husband told me that they heard the same old thing? Ok, change the information and tell them what they really want to hear. How do you do this? You agree with them. You verify them. Now, please stay. I know this may sound crazy, but I will explain.
At this point, many wives will say, "Oh, I can't do that. It's too dangerous. No, this is not what I mean, I promise. You don't agree to divorce. You ' simply agree with your husband. The right to want to be happy and you agree that marriage is really troublesome. You agree to relieve his burden and make his situation better, because this is what he wants to listen to. And that is what he will listen to you.
Since he is listening, what do you say to let him see things in his own way? : from
Well, look, that's the kicker. You don't try to change his mind [which is why this might work]. You do this to make him want to do it all. Because if you do this in any other way, his heart won't really exist, and the plan will be quite counterproductive.
So, it will be like this. The next time you are with your husband, you tell him that you have been thinking about it, you realize that he is right. You agree that marriage should not be what it should be, you deeply regret it. You tell him that you love him, over others, you want him to be happy. You tell him that he is too important to you. You assure him that you will no longer deteriorate your relationship in this way - no matter where the relationship is. Then, you are good at what you told him. Always stop and ask yourself if your behavior will make him farther before you do these things.
walk slowly. Never rush to seek success, and don't push him to cancel the divorce [he must make this decision himself]: from
So if you agree with your husband as I described above, then a lot of tension should begin to ease. Once he sees what you mean by what you said [and you don't just tell him something new to change his mind], he should hope to become more acceptable to you. When he does this, you should take things slowly. Let him set the pace. Don't worry, don't push. Just focus on creating positive emotions and shared experiences that will make your life enjoyable and enjoyable. no strings attached. There is no deep and difficult conversation about marriage. Didn't talk about what it is and what might be it again. Just focus on the shared experience once.
If you do this, I will be willing to bet that over time, he will begin to see the glimpses of the two people who fell in love at the beginning. When he does this, he will want more things. Always let him want more. Not rushing to be so important. Because when he becomes the person who wants to change the terms of the relationship, you will begin to gain more equal status in the marriage and have a place in the marriage. Moreover, if he wants to change his mind wholeheartedly and wholeheartedly make a commitment to his marriage, then this is what you need to do.
Orignal From: Does the husband want to get a divorce? Suggestions for changing your mind
No comments:
Post a Comment